Always Gold
by Cassy27
Summary: "You could all change that," said Thor, "you do not have to be the crooked one. You can leave your aimless wandering behind and come home again." - "Home," Loki repeated, "I did not believe I had one." - OneShot - No slash!


**Disclaimer: I do not own any Marvel-character. I do not own 'Always Gold' by Radical Face. The song and lyrics merely inspired me to write this.**

**AN: After listening so many times to 'Always Gold' by Radical Face and after seeing the official video a dozen times, I felt compelled to write this. It's a OneShot, but I hope it will be liked. Thanks for reading this and I hope you'll enjoy it. Please let me know what you think about it.  
**

**Thank you, GreenLoki, for all the help you've given me with this!**

**~ Always Gold ~**

The activity in the palace always died out when the sun set. With the falling darkness, so came the silence and peace. Dinner had ended and most of the servants had gone home now. Thor enjoyed this part of the day the most. He loved sparring with his friends during the afternoon and he enjoyed spending time with his mother and father, but the darkness of the night brought something comforting. Perhaps it was the idea that he had lived through another day - that peace had lasted and war had not come destroying their lives.

Since the events with the Avengers several decades ago, Thor had changed. He used to seek out war and battle, he used to marvel at violence, but ever since he…lost his brother, Thor had altered his ways. He had experienced first-hand what it was like to lose someone you loved. He would do anything to prevent that from ever happening again.

He withdrew to his personal chambers in the south wing of the grand, golden palace after bidding his mother and father goodnight. They had smiled at him peacefully and it was such small gestures that assured Thor that everything was all right. He lazily walked through the halls of the palace, surrounded by nothing but the sound of his heavy footsteps. When he entered his chambers, he saw a young servant tending to the fire burning fiercely in the fireplace. The last few months had been extremely cold and Thor longed for the first days of spring.

"Thank you, Sævarr," he told the boy with a kind, grateful smile on his face, "that will be all for tonight."

Sævarr stood, cleaning his hands by rubbing them against his brown shirt. Thor chuckled when spotting the gesture. Sævarr was young and he still lived with his mother, Ærndís, whom he knew exceptionally well, since she was his mother's personal servant. He could already image Ærndís' annoyance when spotting those dirty stains.

"I will see you tomorrow, sire," Sævarr said respectfully, though a crooked grin spread across his face, "bright and early."

Thor nodded. He watched the boy prepare to leave when one last thought returned to him. "Sævarr?"

Sævarr spun around, his eyes wide with curious anticipation. "Yes, my king?"

He had been called 'my king' so many times already, but Thor still felt uneasy when hearing those two words directed towards him. He was king of Asgard – having surpassed his father about seven years ago – but he did not _feel_ kingly. In his eyes, Odin would always be the Allfather.

He tore himself away from those thoughts and instead focused on Sævarr.

"I wish to go hunting tomorrow," he explained, "could you see to it that my horse is prepared after breakfast?"

Sævarr bowed his head. "Of course," he answered, "goodnight, sire."

When Thor was left alone, he started his night-rituals. It began by washing himself and taking time to think of what tomorrow's plans were. He had decided to go hunting along with Sif and the Warriors Three because it had been months since they had spent any time together, but what else was to be expected? As Asgard's king, Thor was mostly occupied with forming and sustaining alliances with other realms, leading his own realm and seeing to it that he remained a just and honest leader. There were councils to lead and attend, as well as a stack of formal papers to read every day.

He sighed when thinking of all that work and he often wondered how his father had managed so well. He was incredibly grateful to have his help and support each day.

His night-rituals ended with changing into his night-clothing and glancing outside one last time. Seeing a million stars shine brilliantly in the pitch dark sky always made him feel at ease. He then lowered his gaze and observed the silence of the city below. Once he saw everything was quiet and peaceful, Thor could rest assured.

A silent knock echoed through his chamber.

Thor spun around, frowning. He did not expect any company tonight. His mother sometimes visited him at this hour, but she always warned him beforehand, and it was only when some important matter was weighing down on him. She would then come to him and they would discuss the matter until Thor felt he had a grip on the situation again.

Slowly, he made his way towards the door as his gaze fell on his most trusted weapon resting in the corner of the room. He could summon Mjolnir to his hand in the blink of an eye, but he doubted that would be necessary. Still, Thor remained careful. He was king of Asgard after all and he had enemies, both of this realm and of others.

His sapphire blue eyes widened momentarily when he saw who was standing before him. Thor clenched his teeth together, but not out of anger. He simply did not know what to say. Or do. He could only stare at him and absorb every aspect of his appearance.

He saw a narrow face and thin nose, sharp cheekbones and bright, emerald green eyes. Inky black hair had grown since they last saw each other ten years ago and it now spilled over his shoulders. Thor wished that was all that he saw, but it was difficult to miss the ragged and torn clothes, the black and blue bruises covering his skin and the blood sticking to his hands.

"Hello, brother," Loki said quietly.

There used to be a time when amusement rang clear in that voice, when humor sparked from those eyes and when those lips were curved into a never ending smirk. Those times were long gone now and Thor felt a painful sting carve into his heart. He had not seen his brother in a decade and this was definitely not how he had pictured seeing him again.

Still, it was not the first time he showed up like that. It was not the first time Thor had invited him into his chambers as he made sure no one spotted them. This time, however, Thor felt momentarily out of his element. He just had _not _expected his brother to appear before him tonight.

"Can I come in?" Loki asked insecurely.

Thor quickly stepped aside, allowing his brother to enter. He checked the hallway one last time and only when he was certain it was empty did he close the door behind him. He turned around to look at Loki again and for a split second, he thought to find him with a grin across his face. He expected his torn clothes to have disappeared and that he would wear his usual green battle outfit with a horned helmet on his head.

Loki still looked like he did five seconds ago, however; beaten and exhausted. Thor knew this was not a trick. Loki had not tricked him in ages. The time of his deceit and mischief was long gone. Thor often wondered when exactly they had both changed so much, and each time he ended up thinking about when he first fought his little brother all those decades ago. He thought of the way they had dangled from the Rainbow Bridge and the way Loki had looked at him in that very moment.

If he closed his eyes, he could still envision the pain, devastation and betrayal in his brother's eyes. Had they ever truly recovered from that event? Had their hearts ever mended from that horrifying truth? It had taken them years to cease their fighting. It had taken Loki so incredibly long to finally give his true parentage a place in his heart, but he never ceased his outbursts of anger.

Yet Loki _did_ change his ways in a way. He no longer went about attacking other realms or forming alliances in order to gain power. Actually, Thor did not know what Loki did now. At some point, he had just vanished and for a while, everyone had thought him dead. That time, no one mourned him except for Thor and their parents. That time, the people had been…relieved.

Yet, one evening Loki had reappeared. He'd shown up in this very palace, begging Thor to let him in, to shelter him for just one night and not call for any guards.

Thor had been reluctant at first, but he had eventually given in when he'd noticed the fear in his brother's eyes. So he'd looked after him that night. He had given him food and new clothes and for a short while, he'd thought he could regain his brother. He'd thought Loki was back, for good.

But the morning had come and Loki had vanished again to some dark, forgotten planet most likely. Thor would never know where his brother went. But since that night, Loki showed up two or three times and each time, Thor had let him in. Each time, he sheltered his little brother – gave him a sanctuary where he could rest if only for one night.

If the guards were to find him here or if Odin – even though he was no longer king – were to learn of his presence, he would be arrested and trialed for his many crimes over the years. If Loki did not have Thor, he had no one. So Thor vowed to be the last person his brother could fall back on - to be that one person he could still trust.

"What happened to you?" Thor asked. It was a double question. He wanted to know where Loki had been for the last ten years, what he had been up to and why he never bothered to let him know that he was still alive. But he also wanted to know why he looked beaten up and – most importantly – why he had blood on his hands. A part of him wanted to believe Loki would not kill an innocent person, but then again, he did not know Loki anymore. Not really.

"It is not…" Loki began, but then he stopped. His gaze fell to his bloodied hands. "Perhaps it is better if you do not know."

Thor sighed. It was an answer he had expected. Last time Loki had showed up, he had been greatly upset, with tears in his eyes and his hands shaking. Thor had tried to talk to him, but Loki had not revealed anything. Thor still did not know why Loki had been so shaken, frightened and saddened that day.

"Sit down," Thor said. His voice sounded strong and authoritatively - _kingly_ and this was a way he hadn't yet used to address his brother. For a brief moment he regretted speaking so imposingly, but one look at Loki and he could tell he did not mind. Perhaps he hadn't even noticed.

He watched his little brother follow the order.

"I feel I should congratulate you," Loki said, slumping his shoulders as he took a seat at the long, oak table. He looked tired and weary. "You are king and as I hear it, you are actually a pretty decent one."

So Loki _had _noticed. Thor should have known really. He arched one eyebrow when he thought about Loki's comment. Had he just received a compliment from him? He tried to remember the last time they had exchanged niceties, but the Thor could barely remember the last time they had spoken, let alone remember what they had spoken about.

He decided not to reply to Loki's words and instead, he walked into the adjacent bathroom to fetch a wet cloth and bowl with warm water.

"Here," he said, "clean that blood of your hands."

Again, Loki followed the order without so much as raising an eyebrow. He simply submerged his hands into the warm water. It was almost appalling to see the clear water turn pink. Thor was surprised to see some tension slip from his brother's shoulders.

"Do tell me that is not the blood of someone innocent," Thor sighed, his gaze trained on his brother's hands. At this moment, he did not want to see Loki's emerald green eyes. He did not want to see a lie in that gaze. He wasn't sure he could cope with that right now.

"It is not," Loki assured him quietly as he began to rub the cloth over his skin. The pink water turned red. "Don't worry, Thor, the owner of this blood deserved what I gave him."

Thor bit down on his lower lip. It was almost captivating to hear Loki remain vague about what had happened. It was horrifying to hear him speak so calmly about murdering someone. Had he murdered someone? Thor did not even know that. Remaining vague was one of Loki's best skills, along with the lying and mischief, yet Thor accepted him. He stood by him even after everything they had gone through. He just wished Loki would tell him the truth. Then Thor remembered he had never been able to tell lie from truth whenever Loki spoke.

"It is red," he observed, desperate for more answers, "which means it does not belong to any Elf, Fire Demon, Frost Giant or Dwarf. It is either Asgardian or Midgardian blood." Somehow, Thor knew it wasn't Asgardian. He was king of this realm and he would know if Loki had been in Asgard recently.

Finally, he dared to look up and meet his brother's steady and cautious green eyes.

"It is Midgardian if you must know," Loki acknowledged. He returned his eyes to his hands as a few strands of black hair fell before his face. "But who, when, where and why is not something that matters," he added.

Thor nodded concessively. "I shall not ask more about it then," he said, knowing that his unwanted questions could drive Loki away. Thor did not want that to happen.

If he ever wanted Loki to change his erroneous ways, to give up this infinite dwelling and to lead a peaceful life then Thor had to be there for him now. He had to show Loki that he still had family who only wanted to help him.

"You were on Midgard, though," he said, refusing to pass this opportunity to gain information. He had not been to Earth in so very long despite the alliance they shared. "Do you know anything about my old friends?"

Loki finished cleaning his hands and leaned back into the chair. He green gaze connected with Thor's, but there barely lay any emotion in his eyes. Thor did not know whether Loki was simply apathetic or whether he had grown exceptionally well at hiding his feelings. He had always been a master at concealing his inner turmoil, but apparently, he'd reached an entirely new level during the last decade.

It frightened Thor to see such an empty gaze.

"What is there to tell?" Loki asked. "There is no one left we know – or at least no one _you_ know."

Thor suddenly felt strangely numb and he was aware of Loki's intensely gaze observing him. Was he pleased that this news saddened him? Did Loki enjoy seeing him quiet and disconsolate? Again, Thor feared what answer he would find if he looked at his little brother, but it was difficult to deduce the true meaning behind Loki's intense and heavy gaze.

"The Captain was the last of the original team to go," Loki explained, "I heard tales of his bravery. Apparently, he sacrificed himself in order to save several families so he went out courageously. It is almost a shame because he could have kept going for at least another decade. That serum he was injected with granted him a longer life, but apparently, it was just not meant to be. That was four years ago. The Hawk died six years ago, of old age."

Clint Barton, along with Bruce Banner, was the only one to have died a natural cause then. Thor had always thought Banner to be indestructible, but apparently he had not been immune to time itself.

He inhaled sharply. It truly saddened him so to hear this news. He wished he could have been there for his friends. He wished he could have saved Tony Stark from that monster fifty years ago. He wished he could have been with Natasha Romanoff as she had been mortally wounded in battle sixty years ago.

In the end, Thor should have known this would all happen. He was blessed with eternal life so obviously he would be forced to watch his Midgardian friends perish.

He often thought about Jane Foster as he sat on the throne. She would have been a fine queen, loved and adored by the people. She would have been strong and just. Thor missed her dearly and often he wondered if she was the reason why he had not found anyone else yet to share his life with. He needed a queen – for the sake of Asgard – but he simply could not forget about her for the time being.

"I have saddened you," Loki stated. He still gazed on Thor intensely.

Thor shook his head. "I am fine," he said. He was well aware of his own lie and he knew Loki could see straight through him. He felt a burning need to change the subject. For some reason, he truly did not want to discuss his emotional state with Loki – certainly not if Loki refused to discuss his own.

"Have you eaten anything yet today?" Thor asked. "I have some wine nearby, and a tray of fruits."

There was a short moment of utter silence and Thor wondered if he had said something wrong. Then Loki let his head fall forward as he chuckled. It was a soft sound, but it sounded sincere and light.

"I _have_ eaten," Loki said, "but I would like some wine."

"Why did you laugh?" Thor asked. He stood from the table to fetch a wine-tankard from a small sideboard at the far end of the chamber. He also grabbed two goblets. "What did I say that was so funny?"

"You simply amazed me," Loki explained, "that is all."

Thor poured the wine into the goblet and handed one to his brother. "How did I amaze you?" He asked, frowning. He wanted to start an easy and light conversation with his brother and he hoped that this was a good beginning. "I said nothing special."

A second ago, a smile had adorned Loki's thin, pale face, but it vanished like snow under the sun. He inhaled deeply and stared at the contents of the goblet. Thor realized they could never have a simple, earnest conversation. Too much had happened. He should merely praise himself lucky that he and Loki could still have moments like these.

"I appreciate this, brother," Loki said after a short pause, "I know you could throw me in a cell and sentence me for my crimes."

"I probably should," Thor admitted. He took a large gulp from his wine. "The Nine Realms will not forget what you have done in the passing years. You have destroyed and murdered your way through the universe."

Loki nodded solemnly. He did not even deny Thor's words, nor did he grow angry at them. There used to be time when Thor would say such things and Loki would burst with fury. He would scream and shout at him until he had no more breath or voice. Those times were gone as well, but Thor could never get used to the new person Loki had become. It was strange and devastating to see what pain and sadness could do to someone.

"But I am your brother," Thor continued, "and I will not abandon you."

"My brother," Loki echoed faintly, still not looking up from his goblet, "my brother, the king."

"Does that anger you?" Thor asked.

Silence.

"No," Loki answered after a while. He took a careful sip from the wine before saying, "We had known for a while already where your glorious path was leading to." It was such a simple sentence, yet every word was laced with bitterness. It was not that Loki still craved for Asgard's throne. It had never been about that. Thor still felt ashamed that it had taken him so very long to understand that.

"Loki, I am-"

Loki did not allow him to finish his sentence. "We were so close as children, weren't we?" He asked, though he did not want an answer to that question. "We had such grand plans for our futures, Thor, do you remember them? We were inseparable, but then we grew up. I was almost meant to be the crooked son and you the golden one."

Thor could not muster up the courage to deny Loki's words. Everything that had happened, was that _entirely_ Loki's fault? Thor didn't believed that because in the end, they had all abandoned Loki. They never searched for him when he'd gone missing. They never tried to bring him home or help him. They – Thor included – only wanted justice. They wanted the youngest Odinson to be punished and when everyone thought he was dead, they celebrated.

Thor sighed, vowing to himself that he would make it all up to his brother.

"You could all change that," he told Loki, "you do not have to be the crooked one. You can leave your aimless wandering behind and come home again."

Loki stared directly into Thor's eyes and he did not even bother to hide his tears. "Home," he repeated, "I did not believe I had one."

"Home is where your family is," Thor argued. For the first time this evening, he revealed his anger, disappointment and hopelessness. "It took me a while, but eventually I was there for you, Loki, when you lost your way. I tried to help you over and over again, but you always pushed me away, yet here we are. You are sitting across from me, free and unshackled. Am I not trying my best? Do you not believe I am trying to be a good brother to you?"

That had silenced Loki momentarily. He pressed his lips together and blinked away his tears.

"You might be the crooked one," Thor said, "but you were always gold to me."

Loki directed his gaze away and Thor knew that in this instance, he could not conceal his pain and loneliness. He could not bear Thor to see his emotions so clearly written in his brilliant green eyes, but Thor did not mind. He did mind to see Loki's tears and heartache. After all, he did mind that Loki saw his.

"This is home," Thor concluded, "and it will always be home for the both of us. My only wish is that you would understand that this place is no longer just shame. Mother and father have forgiven you. Do you not think they miss you? Do you not think they want you to come home to them?" Thor swallowed heavily, needing a moment to steady himself. "I wish you would stop with blaming everything and everyone for what has happened. Stop with blaming yourself. You belong here, brother, _here_ with me."

"You will never change, will you?" Loki asked, his voice thick and heavy. He still did not look up to meet his brother's gaze, though. "You will never give up on me, right?"

"Exactly," Thor smiled warmly, "because you are my brother. That will never change either."

They drank the rest of their wine as they spoke of meaningless matters. Loki told him about strange things he'd encountered during the passing years and Thor spoke of some challenges he was faced with as king of Asgard. They talked and sometimes they laughed until the moon stood high in the black sky, indicating that hours had passed since Loki's arrival. Thor put his now empty goblet on the table and stood.

Loki's gaze fell on him, a million questions visible in his eyes. Thor wished there was some way to assure Loki that everything would be all right in the end, but the truth was that Thor could not promise Loki that.

"We should get some sleep," he said, "you may take my bed. You look like you could use some proper rest." He shot a long sofa standing near the window a quick glance. "I'll sleep over there." He already walked towards the sofa when a new thought invaded his mind – a thought he needed to share with his brother. "I will always be here, Loki," he said calmly, "I'll be here until forever. My only hope is that when I wake, you'll be here, too."

For a short second, Thor thought Loki might say the words he so desperately wanted to hear. He really shouldn't have hoped for it.

Loki's response was cautious and almost diplomatic. "Thank you," he said, "for your kindness."

Thor said nothing in return. He walked towards the sofa and lay down while hearing his brother crawl underneath the covers of his royal bed. Sleep did not immediately consume him. He only listened to his little brother's breathing as it softened and deepened, indicating he had fallen asleep. Thor did not fear Loki - he did not fear an attack. They have long since passed that stage in their relationship. Once Loki would have murdered him given the chance, but now Thor was the last person in this universe he could turn to. Loki would not murder him in his sleep.

No, it was another reason why Thor feared sleep tonight. He was afraid of what he might find in the morning.

Yet his eyes fluttered shut after a while and dreams consumed his mind. He slept until the crack of dawn when the first beams of sunlight fell onto his face. Thor opened his eyes, but sleep still fogged his mind. It took him a few seconds to remember last night's event, but when he did, he smiled. He remembered Loki and he remembered talking to him. He remembered that for a brief moment, they had been brothers again.

He sat up and with a small, frightened heart, he directed his gaze towards the bed. _This_ is why he had been afraid of falling asleep yesterday. _This_ is what he had feared to find in the morning. An empty bed. As simple as that.

Loki was gone, but Thor should have expected it. His brother was not yet ready to accept the fact that Asgard was his home. He was not yet ready to face Odin or Frigga. No, Loki was still searching for his way and place within and throughout the Nine Realms. He was still restless, and angry, and sad.

He was not ready yet to come home for good.

So Thor could only hope.

He would see his brother again one day. Perhaps within the next year, perhaps within a decade, or it might take longer than that. What reassured Thor, however - and what gave him strength to keep those hopes and dreams alive - was the fact that Loki _knew_. He knew Thor was here and he knew his home was waiting for him.

Loki only needed to find his way back.

~ 0 ~

The End.

~ 0 ~


End file.
